The secrets we are afraid to tell
by star-in-your-sky
Summary: He had hurt her over and over again. Now he will try to make it all better. For better or for worse, he didn't really care anymore, from now on he wasn't letting her go . Dasey /I do not own anything other than story line/
1. Chapter 1

He was worried. Not everyday you get a phone call telling you that your step mom is in labour giving a birth to your stepson. Not every day indeed. So now he was in Casey's apartment, in her bedroom searching for clothes she could need in the next week. Casey being a goody-good girl went straight to hospital; it wasn't first time dealing with her mother giving a birth to a child. She knew what to do, how to help, not like he. He was so stunned when he heard the news he couldn't even move. He just stared at his mobile phone like it has a tale or something. That's when Casey came to help. Giving me directions, advises and her apartment keys for that matter. And if he has to say that he was pretty happy about having some more time to calm himself, because if there is something he was sure than that was that there was no need for one more hysterical person in that labour.

When he threw some of the shirts in the bag, there was a book that came flying down to the floor. It looked like diary, but he knew this wasn't the one Casey thoughtlessly kept under the pillow when we still lived in the same house. Nop, this was the one where all the truth laid. And when he took it in his hands he knew he shouldn't do this. He should just put it back in to the drawer and go to the hospital, where a new life comes into this world. But he was so nervous, so uptight that he just couldn't help him self. He opened it in the last page she had written and started to read.

"_Mom should have labour any day now. I keep thinking about it all the time, it's just that, now there will be something real between me and Derek, something blood related. And that should matter, right? That should make me feel dirty and slutty, right?" Derek couldn't stop himself on a gulp for that. What was she saying? "But I don't feel any of that. I just miss him so much. I barely even see him at school, of course even here at Queens he is mister popularity. And why wouldn't he? He is charming and smart and ..okay I wont go there, last time I did I wrote 3 pages on how amazing he is. Heh, when did I turn in to such a whimper? So where was I? Oh yeah, I miss him. Last time we really met was when I got sick two weeks ago. It was all that made him want to talk to me. I'm sure my mother had something to do with it. Because all the time he was here I could feel that he can't wait to get the hell out of here. Like I was some deadly disease. That's how he probably looks at me. And I can't blame him. Who could really want to fuck her brother?"_

His phone rang. It was Edwin. Asked where he is. On his way, was the answer and he shut the telephone after that. He threw some other closes in the bag, some underwear too and squeezing the diary in his hand he went out. Car was with Casey. It was 2 hours to go to hometown from Queens. He had lots of reading still to do. He knew that if he would take it with him, she would find out eventually, but there was no chance on him to stop right now. His heart was jumping out of the chest right now, his breath was fast and shallow, he couldn't think, he _couldn't stop_. He just had to know, if what he read was true. How many secrets had she been hiding form him?

He was in the bus now. He opened her diary in random page and started reading again.

_"It's two week before we go__ to Queens. I opened my drawer today and found all my underwear swimming in honey. I mean it - in real, sticky and oh-too-sweet honey. One of Dereks pranks. I got them lot more lately. And I should be angry at the prank itself, but in reality was near tears because of all this shit. That just proved that Derek doesn't see me as nothing more than an obstacle. I sounds dirty and stupid, but I just wish that .. when he opened that drawer .. he would be turn on or something. I always kept my black bra on top just for something like this, but he probably didn't even notice. He laughed his ass off when I started telling. Nothing new there." _He noticed. That's why it got more honey then the others. He was completely out of his mind because of the thought that someone else could see her in it.

Next random page. He didn't know why he did it like this, he just couldn't read it in the right order, it hurt too damn much.

_"I guess I knew it from the very beginning. Sam was sweet and kind and for a while he really did make me happy, but when it ended, I wasn't sad for our relationships at all, I was sad for all the chances I had to spend more time with Derek. Max was just to make my dear stepbrother jealous, the captain of the football team an all. I grew popular, but between me and Derek nothing changed, he still just didn't care. And I should have let it go right then and there, but I couldn't. So here I am, in this twisted love sorrow shit. And the guy has no clue. I'm such a loser. Derek is right, I really am._

_I thought that Truman could replace Derek for me. I saw something similar in them, both pretended to be a bigger person, afraid of showing the world their characters. But in the end he cheated on me. That's were all they similarity stops. Derek would never do that. Not the me part, but the cheating_." You make me sound like a superhero, Casey, Derek thought. "_He just unintentionally hurts me over and over again. He made me go back to Truman for crying out loud. He didn't care enough to think that you can't change a cheater."_ It wasn't in his intentions to hurt her, it never was. He did it for both of us, but now it seems he did it just because of himself.

_"I have the combination for dance competition perfectly planned, every detail, every movement. It's in my heart already; I don't have to learn it. And God, that all is so important to me. I want to be a dancer, I want to teach little kids how to spin around with a grace, how to feel the music, how to find peace in your own body. I want to have my own group I could lead. But that's nothing more than I dream. Still it's all got. And I want this opportunity so bad. So i'm truing to figure out how to dance my soul out there on the stage, when all those eyes are watching me, but the brown ones I long for aren't. I have three week for that. 22 April. That's the date my destiny will be decided_." He didn't even know. And how could he? he was too busy living full college boy life, sex, parties and rock'n'roll. To busy in trying to forget about his keener stepsister he desires for. And sometimes he actually did, for days he could forgot that she excited, and than she walks past him in the hall and all his world spins around. Only she could make him weak in his knees with only a smile. This was freaking important to her, but he didn't even know! It was 16. April now. He thanked God, that he still has a chance for this forgiveness.

"_I missed first of Dereks goals today because of my science teacher. He's a freaking bitch if I have to say. But I was happy when I entered the rink and saw that we are winning. Girls in front of me were chatting about how beautiful Dereks goal was. I'm sure it was, it always is. He is amazing when he is on the ice. He is fast, he is strong, he is smart and skilful. So there are just two games left, two games they have to win so they get further to state championship. I believe in them, in him_. " He thought she never cared. She never said anything about his games, not a single word. How could he know? Why didn't she tell him? His heart was freaking spinning right now, it meant so much to him.

_"Maybe I just should tell him. He'll call me sick fucker, tell our parents and they'll send me somewhere far away, where I could heal and forget. But who am I kidding, I could never forget. Not in this lifetime_."

"_I just wish he would see me as beautiful, even if he thinks that going further would be wrong. I just want to see one glimpse of him staring on my legs or on my breasts. But it has never happened, not even once. And I hate this, you know? All the guys out there telling me how beautiful I am, how smart and funny, but I don't believe any of them, just because the one who really, really knows me, from inside out hates me. How should that make me feel? How could I ever thing that I'm a good person, if he just_.. "

"_You should see Sally, she is beautiful. She makes him smile, like really smile, not that fake thing he usually does. She makes him happy, and I'm happy for him too. Happy, happy, happy. The tears in my pillow now and then is just because of self-pity_."

He couldn't believe the thing he read in there. He was trying his best to keep his arms under control, trying not to hit anyone. He wanted to crawl in to his bed and forget about everything. He had hurt her so many times. _So many times._

He closed her notebook. Derek had a lot more to read, lot more to think about, but right now, his stepmom was giving birth to his stepbrother. There was 20 minutes before he will be in the hospital and he needed a plan. He needed to make it all better.

* * *

**A/N Please rate and review. That makes me happier and when i'm happy i write XD A lot ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, My friends. **

**It took too long, I know, and I'm sorry. **

Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek. Just the plot.

She looked tired. That was the first thing that came into his mind, when he saw her. Casey was standing in the middle of hallway talking to Lizzie and Edwin. He couldn't help but to worry were they have left Marti.

"Derek!" Edwin said as quickly as he saw him,

"I'm so glad you are here man." He had grown up a little bit. Everyone always thought that Edwin will be the Derek-junior, but they couldn't be further from truth. Of course he did stupid pranks with his older brother and played it all strong and macho shit, but in the situations like this you could see that he is so kind and helpful. Derek nodded in greeting so Edwin went on with playing some sort of word game with Lizzie, and only guess Derek had, was because of the fears his younger stepsister had for hospitals.

"Hey," Casey said turning to him and flashing an almost true smile. Almost.

"How is it going in there?" he asked looking for any bad signs in her facial expressions, but there was none, she just sighed in relief and said that everything was alright. It should be over in and hour or so. "Probably because she isn't so young anymore."

"Let's go grab some coffee for you." Derek said taking her arm and trying to make her move.

"But what if she needs me?" she asks nervous and scared. He took stronger hold of her arm and smiled at her what he thought was his reassuring smile. "It'll be okay, Casey. My dad's there."

She didn't look convinced at all, but she still went with him to cafeteria. "Em, do you know where Marti is?" Derek asked as they sat down with their steaming cups of coffee. He wanted his voice to sound as cool and emotionless as it could, but it still came out broken.

"She stayed with Emily. George thought that wasn't a good idea bringing her with us."

Well at least there he could totally agree with his father. Any hospital or medic place wasn't for children especially as sweet and innocent as his little sister.

"When this will be over we could bring her to look at her new brother," she said when Derek didn't reply. When their eye met he thought he saw tears in them, but she lowered her head as fast as the thought popped up. (_Now there will be something real between me and Derek, something blood related_). He hadn't forgotten. He hadn't forgotten a single word she had written down. But they still were in hospital; some things would have to wait till they get home.

"You can go in now," the doctor told the kids that were standing all together outside the ward. Doctor Alche really admired big families. They had 4 (Marti wasn't there) children standing there and they didn't even fear to have the fifth. He didn't understand how it was possible to lead such a big family. Maybe that's was just his profession that took almost all his time and he didn't have any time left for family.

"Mom?" Casey asked running to the bad next to where George was standing.

"It's a boy," she mother was smiling while her cheeks were wet from tears. Only after seeing that her mother was fine she let her gaze drift to the tiny creature in mothers' hands. "His name is Christen, for.."

"Our grandfather, yes I know, " Casey cut in as her hand gently touched Christens little fingers.

"You're so cute you know that, mister baby?" she said smiling down on him. That was when his eyes thought of opening and two beautiful brown eyes were looking exactly in her heart. Of course there would be something of him even in the newborn.

"Look, he has Venturis eyes!" Edwin squirmed and all room laughed. "He has McDonalds smile, too." Lizzie added brushing young boys head.

"Yes he has," Derek agreed, and that was only when Casey noticed that he was right behind her. An arm on her shoulder was his, not Lizzies.

"Casey, want to hold him?" Nora asked looking at her older daughter with all the love in the universe.

He was small, so light, and so fragile; he was beautiful.

"You look amazing," Derek whispered in her ear and she could swear, she had never been happier before.

All the family had gone somewhere so Derek couldn't take the curiosity took the diary, went to some lonely corner and opened it in some random page again.

"_I moved in today in my new apartment. I bought wine and beer, if maybe he preferred to drink something not so lady-like, and some chips. But he never came. I was sure he would come to see the perfect apartment I was talking on about, maybe only to mock me because he had to live in dorms, what he actually liked (there was all the society, parties) .And there wasn't me. Yes, he didn't show up. So I'm putting the beers in the fridge for someday when he maybe will come to visit. I hit the wine bottle though; I don't think I'll ever be able to get that wall back white again. Well, I'll just color it again. And I won't do such a stupid thing again. Breaking dishes, screaming - that isn't me. I don't want to be that kind of person_."

It was like a movie now in his mind. Her slander body, shaking in frustration, wine bottle in her hands and than - all red, so red. It was a horror movie he didn't want to watch, but which always kept him awake in the nights. She could have hurt herself. And for what? For him?!?

"_We were attending in that dance competition i so badly wanted to win. I and Derek danced together. I couldn't explain how wonderful that felt. He's strong arms, gorgeous smile. We won. I couldn't do it without him._"

Of course she could. She can take everyone's breath away with just one pirouette. She didn't even need him there. All Derek did was look pretty, or disgusting in that show.

"I'm so glad to be home." Casey sighed as she felt backwards on their couch. She was looking around the room trying to find something different as they left, but in all the living room was just the same.

"It really is," Derek answered popping into his lovely chair he missed so much. "How long will you stay?"

"For the weekend, I'm really happy it's Friday and we can all relax a bit and enjoy our awesome news." She said, small smile covering her lips, and he was sure she was remembering the sight of the little Christen. She fell in love with him as soon as he opened his eyes, and not only for the obvious similarity Derek and he shared, but just because he was one of the beautiful things she had ever seen. So pure and innocent.

"And you?"

"I'll go back first thing tomorrow morning." Her eyes become dark as he said so and he remembered something else from her diary `_Because all the time he was here I could feel that he can't wait to get the hell out of here. Like I was some deadly disease.` _So he felt the need to explain a bit more,

"I have hockey practice in the afternoon, and there are some important games coming up, so I just can't skip it this time."

Her face lit up a bit. She took the TV control and turned it on, on some music channel, music filled the room, but it still was soft enough to keep the conversation going. She couldn't recall when, was the last time they sat like this just talking, she wanted it to last a bit longer.

"Oh. How's it going for you? The hockey I mean. Everything as you expected?" her question set him a bit off the guard. He knew she knew about his hockey career, after all, she had been there, every single time. So how was she possible to lie like this?

"It's good. It really is good for me. I never thought I would be there, playing at Queens, leading such a strong team." he answered truthfully. It's all he could ever dream of.

"And you? How's the school going, dancing?" Derek asked. He was sincerely hoping she will tell him about the contest, let him in her life, show him he still had a chance to fix everything.

"It's amazing. They have so many interesting courses, so interesting teachers. And dancing, it's great; sometimes I even get all the big stage just for myself. It's an incredible feeling to be there, even if the lights are off and nobody is watching. "

She didn't say anything about the contest. She didn't want him to feel obligated to come. That's why she didn't tell her family too, although, she didn't really understand it herself.

Derek was going to say something when Edwin And Lizzie came in and screaming Marti fallowed.

"Derek! Your home!" she cried jumping up in his

lap and hugging him so over tightly.

"Hey, princess. How is my favorite little sister?" he asked smile crawling in his creatures. Marti just did that to him, he could never avoid her, and she was his love of the life.

"I have a brother! Have you seen him?" she asked eyes light as sun with joy and happiness. How easy it was to be a kid, he thought. Ho would like to get those years back, although, back then, he didn't have Casey in his life. Now life was so much interesting, he concluded.

"Mhm. He is so cute and lovely and I thing he will be my favorite sibling for a while," he teased.

"No!!!! I hate him, I hate him." She roared angrily. If there was something she already knew she never want to loose was his older brothers admiration.

"Kidding, hon. You will always be my first best. And don't say you hate him. I actually thing you will really like him. He has the same brown eyes as me, ad smile like McDonalds has, and I think you will be his admiration object. You could help him by giving some of the toys you have, right?"

Derek asked, but his eyes caught a movement on his right and there was moment before he understood what it was. Casey had gone upstairs.

He had forgotten she was in the room. He muffled a frustrate sigh in Marti's hair and wondered how things got so freaking complicated.

"_There is this boy in my literature class, I think his name is Layton, who doesn't stop bothering me. He is really creepy, he always after a lecture asks me out, and when him down, he start shouting and blaming me for being a tease. Am I really? I wish Sam was hear and took care of him, like he did that time on our senior year. Joseph is awful memory I'd like to forget. he never stopped harassing me, touching me, pinning me to wall. He was so much stronger than me, and after every – no – he became even more aggressive. Sam was a lot of help bag than. I just wish he was here now to do something with this Layton guy. I don't want history repeating ever again. _"

You can say that Derek was shocked. And he was sure it is time to call Sam for a little chat.

Sam didn't pick up first time he called, so Derek had a moment to calm himself. It wasn't as if he was worried that she had told Sam instead of him, but the fact that none told him this. He hadn't noticed. "Yeah?" finally! Sam's voice answered the call.

"hey, dude. What's up?" Derek asked trying to sound as casual as he could. It never really works out though.

"I'm good. What's up with you? You sound off."

Sam said. He went to college near Vancouver, got the scholarship playing hockey, just as Derek. Both of them were a bit sad that they couldn't go to same college, but they had no real choices.

"Tell me about Joseph, Sam." He went straight to the point. He was itching everywhere fro the strange feeling of being left outside.

"What Joseph?" Sam wasn't so fast to caught up.

"Senior year, Casey, Joseph, you. Tell me about it and I'll let you stay alive." Derek threatened.

"Ogh." A small silence. "Why did she tell you now? It's been so long."

"The real question is why didn't you tell me back than?" he asked back. He wasn't going to say that he read her diary. He's 20, damn, he is too old to read girls diaries.

"She asked me not to."

"The boy code says that.."

"Boy code was a shit," Sam interrupted "Made up in your little twisted mind. She always wants to solve her own problems, so you know how hard it was for her to came to me and ask for help. How afraid had she been." He sounded accusing. Derek knew his best friend had all the rights to.

"Tell me everything."

"She hadn't told you?" he asked. He was always very found to secrets and he wanted people to trust him so he didn't really like the idea off telling Derek everything if she hadn't already broken the promise.

"No, no she did." Derek lied. "But you know how she is, always lefts some hurtful thing outside the picture. I just want to hear everything. Please, Sam."

"Okay. You probably remember him, he was on our hockey team the last year. Joseph – small, brown hair, fast on ice, but really loose. "

He really did remember him. He was the one that attacked Casey? How was it possible? He thought they were friends. You can never go against you team player, everyone knew that. Maybe that's why he didn't see it, tried to ignore it.

"Casey came to me like two months before the end of the school year. She was already broken up with Max and focused on studying. She told me she didn't want new relationships sp fast that's why she turned that guy down. I guess he didn't really understand the point. He was stalking her, I mean even to me it was troublesome, but she said she will take her of it. Than one day she had been pushed in the supply closet and he was preventing her to get out. His hands .. I mean you shouldn't know all the little details, so he pulled some more tricks like that and when he was starting to hurt her, like leaving bruises on her wrists she came to me. Asked me to help and I did. "

Even if Sam left all the little details out Derek couldn't stop imagining all the worst scenarios that could have happened to his girl. His? Really?

"What did you do?" How did he save her?

"Beat the crap out of him and threatened his

position in our team. It's good to be best friend of captain." He laughed.

"She is my freaking step sister and he wasn't afraid to play with her! Why would he worry about his position in team!!" he yelled. He didn't get it. He didn't get it at all.

"Well, you see, em. You don't want to hear answer on that question."

"SAM!!!!"

"Remember how you treated her in school. She was Klutzilla, keener, you didn't act at all that you cared, so he thought you didn't. we your friends knew otherwise, but he thought that if one boy of the team had gotten her that he should and could too. Derek you should understand that he was really unpleasant person and everything ended nicely so there is no need to reveal the past."

Derek looked at the book in his hand and he knew that Sam was right. But in this case right wasn't the thing in his mind. Wrong was what'll make everything better. Right already didn't work out for any of them.

_A/N That's all for now. Leave a review ^^_


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